we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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