I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
