And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
