We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize