I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
