eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
