i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
