we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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