he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
