Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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