so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
