Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
