dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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