Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
