K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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