I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
