Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
