im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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