so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
