I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
