I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
