So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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