I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
