THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
