you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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