No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
