Banned from zoo.
Again?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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