Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
