Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
