Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
