I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
