Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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