guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
