I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
