Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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