After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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