I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
