dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
