So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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