and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
