He kissed a someone with a penis
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize