i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
