I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
