Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
