i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
