and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
and you fell through a lawn chair
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
