You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
