any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
