if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
