I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
