If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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