How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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