I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
