I wish you could order shots online.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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