You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
