got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize