...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
