we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
