If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
