There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize