How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
