She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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