So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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