This is not my ceiling
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
