don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
