I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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