i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
