You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
