Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize