if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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