In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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