Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize