I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize