I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
