Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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