Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize