forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
