just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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