ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
