I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
